she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
