Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
