She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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