non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
