I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
