My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
