I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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