What did we do last night that was yellow?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
