is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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