so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it's like heaven, but drunker
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Drake has all the answers
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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