no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
