And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My vagina is officially offended.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
