Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i think i just lost a toe
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
