is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
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