I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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