it was like eating out sand paper
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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