my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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