This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
