planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
