My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
