Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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