drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
