dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The best revenge is premature balding
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
