so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Barsexuality is the new black.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
