Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
