Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize