so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Redeem this text for a blowjob
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
