Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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