and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
