There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
