naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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