I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
