She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
All I want is dick and wine.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize