I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
True strength comes from lack of pants
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize