Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
