Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize