Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
