Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
