I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize