He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
