My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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