They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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