I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
