I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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