OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
