the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm both gender and math confused
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
