I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
