you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
