I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
