How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize