guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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