Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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