all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
