apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I wish there were birth control emojis
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
