I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
