I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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