Apparently you make a good broom.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
