I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
