well I can't set my house on fire every night
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize