I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
