some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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