The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This baby is an asshole
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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