I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
