I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
