She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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