Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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