i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize