You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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