we're chasing vodka with high fives
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
