I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
