Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
