I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
