I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He shit in the fireplace
that is very illegal...i love you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize