life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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