dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
