Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize