I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
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