Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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