Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
