I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
