Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
