her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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