Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
