You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
