You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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